This War We Call Life

On the IPod - Eric Serra
In the Mug - "Tension Tamer" Organic Tea

On the Body - My favorite bowling shirt - Light blue, with a wide ivory stripe down the middle. Heavy, soft and the best part "Made in Egypt" (I can't make this stuff up)

So everything should be going well for me, right?

I mean, I just started this diet and in the first week I've already lost over seven pounds.

I just had a short story accepted to an on-line magazine (no payment...but so what)!

Life should be good huh?

Instead I'm all stressed out and depressed.

I think the problem is, I'm just tired of fighting. I mean, it seems like everything a do is a battle, large or small...and most of the time small...but still a battle none the less.

I feel like I fight everything-

1. My weight

2. My wife

3. The people at work

4. The traffic - (the worst part about this is at the grocery store...today a guy literally pushed me out of the way to get at the celery - can you believe it! The F***in' celery!)

5. Exhaustion

6. Time (This is the big one)

I guess the reason I feel this way is mostly because the wife-unit and I got into today. The diet has only been going on for about a week and at first she was very supportive and all telling me how proud she was of me and all. Then today, BAM! I get all this crap from her about how I'm inconsiderate, how I never supported her on her diet four years ago, etc.

I mean, I know this has been a huge life style change, and I can't say I'm very good at it right now - as I'm still getting used to the whole program...but jeez - cut a brother a break.

Anyway, when your best friend isn't behind you - particularly on something that isn't exactly easy...well - it can get to you.

Sigh.

I just don't want to fight anymore...I don't want to fight all those small battles that make up life. Right before I go to bed I visualize myself in this make believe world called "Castrovalva"

Which I wish I could say I came up with myself...but it's based off a "Doctor Who" Episode

Then come to find out, the episode is based off the MC Escher print of the same name.

Which in turn, come to find out...is a drawing of an actual place Escher visited back in the 1930s.

But in my world of Castrovalva, I get to sleep in and I'm waited on by beautiful, buxom women who bring me cold pitchers of wine, lemonade, soda...whatever I want. I meet with the King and Queen who honor me as the wise and powerful person I am. I am treated as a guest, and get to spend most of my time lying in the sun on a mosaic patio as children run past me laughing and playing. The women sing loud, joyful songs as they do their wash. The library contains every book ever written and no one is cruel, for they have no need to be, because no one is hungry, or lonely, or sad. Love is encouraged - not discouraged in the name of religion. As a matter of fact, if there is a religion in MY Castrovalva - it has no problem with other religions, it has no problem with questions or the desire to seek knowledge - it allows people to develop at their own pace...and if they don't believe exactly what you believe that's alright. I don't know...I think it's how I see Heaven...

I wish I was in Castrovalva right now.