I'm Back

According to my friend Nathan...I'm supposed to keep this thing up so he has something to read. So the new goal is to add something at least every Wednesday.

As of now, I'm sick. I don't feel bad...well I'm a little achey. But what really bites is that I've lost my voice.

Do you realize how much you use your voice?

I mean think about it. I can't sing along with my Ipod as I do the dishes (bummer).

I can't talk to the wifeunit about anything (real bummer).

I don't know how I'm going to go to work tomorrow, as what I do consists of me telling a lot of people a lot of information and now I can't do that (....I was going to say bummer...but it wouldn't be if I could take the day off. But trust me, with my job if I take a day off everything is worse when I get back. - So that's the real bummer)!!!!

Speaking of my job...I've been toying with the idea of moving into a different field. I don't feel respected and I'm way- way- way- way- way- underpaid for the amount of hours I put in (but aren't we all?)

Still I'm trying to be Zen Pig and that is helping. Really life is 90% perception I think. Now I know the whole two of you who read this are probably like - duh! Welcome to what everyone else has known for years...but really I mean it. If you think things are out of control just slow down and drink some hot tea...believe it or not this solves a lot of problems...for me anyway.

Speaking of hot tea - the diet continues - I am now down fifty pounds - I don't know what I was down last time I blogged in, but I'm sure this is an improvment. (Twenty left to go!!!)

So that's cool I guess.

I was supposed to be in bed twenty minutes ago (remember I'm sick and all) - I surprised the wifeunit has not come into the office and cracked the whip yet. She's watching some weird Xena show a friend of hers at work loaned her. (I'll make fun of that at a later blogging).

Other things to look forward too-

1. Possible career change ideas - (sadly midget wrestling and rodeo clown are out).

2. What we watch during dinner - (I'll give you a hint...just the coolest television show from the 1970s...and no it's not "Different Strokes" that was the 1980s)

3. More good news from the struggling writer front...I'm making progress...at this rate I'll have reached Moscow by 2011. (For those who are not up on their World War II history...that was a Nazi reference...not that I'm saying I am a Nazi...or that I support Nazis...as a matter of fact I really dislike Nazis...I mean I like the German people...most of them I've met are very polite and kind hearted...but Nazis...well I pretty much hate those bastards...)

...But I digress

October Wrap Up

Ok - Well, I should have done this on October 31st. But I was busy beating up little kids for their candy. (I might not have actually done that...but I was busy).

So-

1. Well the girl from work who was very annoying at lunch, pretty much leaves me alone. So it's not that bad.

2. No more signs of rats...I did see a squirrel run behind the same bush the other day. I think maybe the wife-unit saw a squirrel, although she denies this. I quote, "I know the difference between a rat and a squirrel."

3. The war continues...but I'm in a better mood to handle it. I suppose that's a good thing as I don't think it ever ends. At least until you die. Then I'm off to Castrovalva - (my version of Heaven).

4. The diet is going well...I've lost fifteen pounds in three weeks. Sometimes it makes me a little crazy...but no pain, no gain right?

5. I'm still busy - but it's getting better.

Anyway - things are looking up. I figure in the next two months I'll-

1. Have lost another 40 pounds.
2. My man Barack will be president.
3. I should have a few more acceptance letters on my submissions (and a few more rejections).
4. Life will be good...

My Worst Enemy

I just don't know where all my time goes.

It seems that the past few days have been insanely busy. Here is a typical day for me...let's look at today for example and see where all the time went (maybe we can figure this out together).

6:00 AM - Rise and shine
6:00 - 6:20 - Shower and brush teeth
6:20 - 6:30 - Get stuff ready for work (IE - get lunch together, take morning pills, get dressed, put on shoes, feed cat etc.)
6:30 - 6:40 - Drive to work.
6:40 - 7:00 - Breakfast with co-workers in lounge
7:00 - 3:00 - Work, Work, Work
3:00 - 4:15 - Drive around thrift stores looking for some costume I'm supposed to wear tomorrow to raise money for some charity at work tomorrow
4:15 - 4:45 - Weigh in at my weight loss place
4:45 - 5:00 - Collapse on couch
5:00 - 5:30 - Make dinner
5:30 - 6:00 - Eat dinner
6:00 - 8:00 - Finish script I need to have done for tomorrow (still needs to be proofread and sent off - will do tomorrow)
8:00 - 8:30 - Try on costume - I'm going as a pirate.
8:30 - 9:00 - Get breakfast and lunch ready for tomorrow
9:00 - 9:30 - Update blog
9:30- 10:00 - Go to bed.

If I had not gone looking for threads at the thrift store I would have worked out...something I didn't get to do today...I'm sooooo bad.

Anyway...it's almost 9:45 - I've gotta get my ass to bed.

Diet

I've started a diet. It's pretty hardcore. I'm eating-

1. Lots of fruit
2. Lots and Lots of Vegatables
3. A little bit of chicken, steak, fish
4. Almost no starch
5. No dairy, sugar or salt at all.

It sucks.

The best part is - in eight days I've lost almost nine pounds.

So, let's do the math...

I went in at 250 pounds.

My goal is to weight 180 pounds.

That means I must lose 70 pounds.

I've lost 9 pounds already - which means I still have to loose 61 pounds.

I'm averaging a pound a day...which means...

Two months left to go!

Did I mention this sucks...

This War We Call Life

On the IPod - Eric Serra
In the Mug - "Tension Tamer" Organic Tea

On the Body - My favorite bowling shirt - Light blue, with a wide ivory stripe down the middle. Heavy, soft and the best part "Made in Egypt" (I can't make this stuff up)

So everything should be going well for me, right?

I mean, I just started this diet and in the first week I've already lost over seven pounds.

I just had a short story accepted to an on-line magazine (no payment...but so what)!

Life should be good huh?

Instead I'm all stressed out and depressed.

I think the problem is, I'm just tired of fighting. I mean, it seems like everything a do is a battle, large or small...and most of the time small...but still a battle none the less.

I feel like I fight everything-

1. My weight

2. My wife

3. The people at work

4. The traffic - (the worst part about this is at the grocery store...today a guy literally pushed me out of the way to get at the celery - can you believe it! The F***in' celery!)

5. Exhaustion

6. Time (This is the big one)

I guess the reason I feel this way is mostly because the wife-unit and I got into today. The diet has only been going on for about a week and at first she was very supportive and all telling me how proud she was of me and all. Then today, BAM! I get all this crap from her about how I'm inconsiderate, how I never supported her on her diet four years ago, etc.

I mean, I know this has been a huge life style change, and I can't say I'm very good at it right now - as I'm still getting used to the whole program...but jeez - cut a brother a break.

Anyway, when your best friend isn't behind you - particularly on something that isn't exactly easy...well - it can get to you.

Sigh.

I just don't want to fight anymore...I don't want to fight all those small battles that make up life. Right before I go to bed I visualize myself in this make believe world called "Castrovalva"

Which I wish I could say I came up with myself...but it's based off a "Doctor Who" Episode

Then come to find out, the episode is based off the MC Escher print of the same name.

Which in turn, come to find out...is a drawing of an actual place Escher visited back in the 1930s.

But in my world of Castrovalva, I get to sleep in and I'm waited on by beautiful, buxom women who bring me cold pitchers of wine, lemonade, soda...whatever I want. I meet with the King and Queen who honor me as the wise and powerful person I am. I am treated as a guest, and get to spend most of my time lying in the sun on a mosaic patio as children run past me laughing and playing. The women sing loud, joyful songs as they do their wash. The library contains every book ever written and no one is cruel, for they have no need to be, because no one is hungry, or lonely, or sad. Love is encouraged - not discouraged in the name of religion. As a matter of fact, if there is a religion in MY Castrovalva - it has no problem with other religions, it has no problem with questions or the desire to seek knowledge - it allows people to develop at their own pace...and if they don't believe exactly what you believe that's alright. I don't know...I think it's how I see Heaven...

I wish I was in Castrovalva right now.

RATS!!!

So I'm minding my own business, as the wife-unit has left to go see a friend of hers. Anyway she comes back in five minutes later saying she just saw a mouse or a rat (she can't tell which), run behind a bush. So being the type of person I am, I go down there and start squirting the bush with a hose and smacking it with a broom while my wife looks on in bemused sympathy for my stupidity. So here I am jumping around smacking some bush with a broom, when my neighbor Eric pulls up. He gets out of his jeep and now he's standing there watching me attack this bush with a broom. So does the wife explain what it is I'm trying to do, before he turns around and goes inside? Of course not! (Sigh)...makes me look like a real tosser if you ask me.

Lunchtime Madness

So we had a training day at work today - which of course meant HALF-DAY!!!!!

One of the guys I trained last year was there, and I never get to see my friend, so we went to lunch together. Him, me, the two regulars Doug and Eeyore (a nickname - but trust me if you met the guy it fits) and Ron (who is the coolest guy I've ever met...he's like 1950s cool and he speaks French...travels to France, etc. - so really he's 1950s French cool - which let's face it, is the coolest ever). Alright, so we're all getting ready to go to lunch, when the girl across the hall from me asks if she can go. (To protect the innocent we'll call her El Gato as we went out for Mexican and I assigned everyone a Mexican nickname and that was her nickname).

Now no one wanted her to go, as she is very, very, very annoying. But, being the nice guy that I am - I told them, I can't not invite her now that she's asked. (I know I'm a passive aggressive wimp). So I told her she could go, and this is what happened...

1. She asks if we really want her to go, or if I just feel guilty for her inviting herself. I then have to convince her she's loved. (Annoying)

2. She insists we all ride with her, which was fine with me - saves on gas, saves the environment, etc. But the whole ride she talks LOUDLY about herself the whole time (Very annoying)

3. We get there and all she wants to do is tell all of us why Obama is evil and why the liberals are ruining America (Are you f**king kidding me!!!!) - (Not just annoying, but also kinda stupid)

4. So - and this should give you an idea of what we had to deal with. I try to lighten the mood and change the subject by giving everyone Mexican nicknames - My mente Nathan was El Chaqueta, Doug - El Pollo Loco, Eeyore was - El Pantalones, Ron was - El Matador and I was El Toro Diablo and Annoying Girl was El Gato. She then proceeds to LOUDLY ask as we sit in the restaurant, "WHY IS MY NICKNAME 'PUSSY'!" Of course no one responds (as we are all passive aggressive men) which causes her to keep repeating it louder and louder.

Suffice it to say the meal could have been better. The only cool part was when El Gato was lecturing us on why Fascism is so good.

El Gato - "At least Hitler made the trains run on time!"
Ron (El Matador) Said in a snide tone of voice - "Of course he did...it got the Jews out of the country faster."

Everyone laughed, except El Gato who thought he was being rude....

Clearly she missed the point.